Raising a Rainbow

After 10days of early labour, and 4.5hours of active labour – Charlotte Ava-Marie Bonselaar made her entrance into the world at 5:35am on February 16, 2020. The experience of having a rainbow baby holds so much emotion, so many things to remember, and look forward to. This delivery experience was so much different than my experience with Addison. There were so many fears surrounding Charlotte’s arrival – I had read everything I could, and sometimes information is both a blessing and a curse. It feeds so much anxiety and fear surrounding the things that could go wrong, the risks, the worst “what if scenarios” my mind could imagine. But as anticipated, everything went smoothly – Charlotte made a safe and quick entrance into the world, and she’s perfect. Every little part of her is amazing. Everything she does is a gift. Every moment spent with her is such a blessing. That’s the truth of raising a rainbow.

A good friend of mine told me, the truth in being a rainbow mama, is that you see miracles in mud puddles. And it’s entirely true – Every moment with Charlotte is such a gift to me. Every cuddle, every nap, every midnight feeding and 3am wake up. Just knowing how precious these moments are, knowing you only get them for a little while, if you’re lucky.  It makes everything so beautiful.

 “Being a mother means learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed” – Linda Wooten

You see, we experienced love and lost in the most traumatic form. Addison taught me so much in such little time – and I will always be grateful for the love and time we shared. She will always be the girl who made me a mama. She will always be present with me, in raising her sister. She taught me the most important lesson of all – you need to love who you love, as fiercely as you love them. Because you’re never guaranteed the time you dream of. Enjoy every moment, love with all your heart. Because each moment is precious.

Raising a rainbow means understanding how fragile life is. How important it is to love fiercely, and to allow yourself to both feel and experience everything you can. So here’s to my miracle, and here’s to my angel. Stay tuned for more updates as we walk this journey of raising our rainbow 🌈


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