There’s nothing like the comings of Spring create time for reflection. Or at least, in Ontario – what we hope is the coming of Spring. It’s been a long, hard winter. As the grass begins to appear and the snow melts away, I feel a sense of optimism for the coming season. Winter has never been my favourite season, but I found this one to be particularly difficult. With little option to venture from the house, I found myself slipping back into the cold darkness that winter always brings me. For me, the darkness is a normal, almost comforting reoccurrence, but along with it comes the slow dismantling of the progress I had made in my own mental health and stability. Post-partum is a difficult time on its’ own, but as the winter months drew longer and darker, the chaos that remained in my own mind was shattering. Little sunshine, cooped up inside with Addison, the weather stopped permitting me to feel like I could grow. My home became more like my cage, that I locked from the inside. Within it, I lost myself, and my sobriety.
It has been three months since the last post I made, and my goodness, things have changed. Addison is the ray of sunshine in what felt like an ever gloomy world. At 6 months old, she keeps me busy, constantly. She is always on the move, rolling around to get to where she wants to be. The introduction of solid foods has allowed me to begin using my baby bullet, and enjoying the new facial expressions that come with new flavours. How grateful I am for her. It is not always easy, but being her mom is the greatest gift I have ever been given.
One step at a time, one day at a time – we will emerge into spring with a fierce determination to enjoy every moment.